this goes out to all the calling hearts
on a rainy Georgia summer day. 

The static waves across the screen 
Define this notion 
Back and forth and in between 

like a dove.

We Are Young.

For the past weeks, I have had this song on constant replay. Constant. Replay.

“Tonight, we are young.
So, let’s set the world on fire.
We can burn brighter
than the sun.”

I know that this song may be about a variety of things, but when you hear this song, thers is just so much determination, passion, excitement.
I look around at the tired faces of my friends and classmates, losing focus of what they were originally fighting for in life by keeping their eyes strained on a single point, searching for a specific and perfect purpose to give their life meaning.

But sometimes, maybe it takes a little chaos, a little falling apart to find something different. something unexpected. something new to live for.

So this afternoon, tonight, tomorrow morning,
remember that we are still young.

We can burn brighter than the sun.

Flash, Flicker.

New Year’s is the perfect excuse for a fresh start, a clean slate, and many new beginnings. Now excuse sounds a little harsh, but why else does everyone wait until January 1st to make promises and resolutions?

I thought I knew what I would resolve to do. What I wanted to do better, stop doing, start doing, etcetera. Yet, this year I’m faced with a question that begs “why the hell are you waiting till now?’ or “how long will this last?”
This might just be my midnight-sitting-on-the-floor-typing-by-lamplight thinking, but don’t resolutions have a way about making you feel somewhat terrible about how you’ve been living?…only to put yourself through it all again?

Why can’t these grand gestures and fancy resolutions be a daily thing? I mean yeah, the novelty of it all goes out the window, because the once-a-year slate-cleaning-feeling isn’t present. But why can’t everyday be just as special? [Corny, I know.]

I guess I’m feeling a little hollow at the moment. 
Everything moves so quickly.
Nobody appreciates the details. the effort. the care. the love.
It’s all about the BIG, BAM, FLASH, instant gratifications.

Like the smoke that quickly whips arounds and vanishes into thin air after blowing a candle out, we too are temporary.

Seeing is deceiving. Dreaming is believing. 

many more whispers

Many more whispers for many more people. 
Outgoing I am, but human I am also.
Somethings are too tough to say. Somethings won’t be heard. Some people wouldn’t care. So I whisper. to you:

people of happiness, regret, and resentment.

a. You’re back in my life again and I couldn’t be more thankful. You’re one of those people that just get me. You understand me and help me find peace. I understand now why people tried so hard to keep us apart. They were jealous of our bond. But now we know, and now they know.

b. You can’t be my friend one moment and stranger the next. Some people can settle with that, but I know I’m worth more. You can’t use the world turning you cold as an excuse for being cold to me. You say I’m warm then why do you show such resentment toward me for it? I take the one nobody else wants, and I take the blame for not trying. If only you could open you’re eyes and stop for a moment.

c. For some reason, you’re always there for me when I need you. To say you’re one of my best friends would be an injustice. More accurately, you’re a gift God gave to me. We talk through food. We don’t mind each other’s venting and temporary lapses of coldness. We’re aminals.

d. Where did you go, old friend? Did the world take you away? Are you breathing under the pressure of life and regret? Where is that old familiar red chat ballon?

e. I would’ve never guessed that you would still be my friend. One of my best friends. We’re so different. We want such different things. Yet, somehow we can talk and laugh for hours while gorging ourselves on bread. You help me to see the brightside. Thank you for responding to all of my late night texts of sadness.

f. I see you a lot. On the way to class. Going to a friend’s house. You look at me with such disgust. Like how could you have ever been best friends with a girl like me? Well, I’m not ashamed to admit that I still miss you. Pathetic but honest. I know they won. I’m okay with that. It just hurts every time.  

g. You need to stop crying. Not in the shower. Not at night in your bed. Stop crying. I know you’ve gone through a lot. You miss her. You miss him. You’re confused, but you know that the light will shine again, ever so brightly as it always does. This is just another season. You’ll get to the next, even more warm, even stronger. You’ll never be lukewarm, you’ll never settle for what everyone wants you to be. You’ll be wonderful.

reflection

the people you look to, talk to, rely on, vent to, reflect on, run to, cherish, and care about…

“are reflections of the future you.”

I never really think about that. I mean, sitting and thinking I would come to that, but when do I ever really think that and live in that.

WARNING: I’m about to get really real. So if you don’t like realness then really stop reading. If you’re going to judge, do so gently, and if not gently, then not at all.

-Looking around me, zooming out on where I am now…I know I haven’t exactly surrounded myself with people I would want to echo. I’ve found I do the opposite.
If you’re still reading, you know me at least a little. 

I care too much. I give too much. I would always rather be the one being walked on. I would rather pay. I take the blame. I take the slot that nobody wants. I do the chores nobody wants to do. I work hard. to the point where I exhaust myself. I work myself to my internal bloody knuckles.

I’ve met people who go through the same things. Yet the farthest our crazy connection goes is to hugging and maybe sharing a single moment of compassion of knowing the weight of a similar burden. 

where are these people?…
I attract the takers, the walkers, the talkers…and maybe there’s more. But I’ve tried my share of looking. Isn’t it your turn to return the favor?  

You know me.You know me a little. 
You know my laugh. my Optimism.

sometimes, it’s harder to carry than it looks. 

sometimes you find out that the people you worked so hard to keep in your life
weren’t working so hard,
or maybe didn’t even care. 

maybe they even resented you working so hard.

then you get sad.
and you get bitter.

but you’re allowed to miss them.
you need to know that you’re allowed to miss them.

even though such bad things happened,
you need to know it’s not foolish to miss them.
It’s Human.

maybe one day, they’ll see. maybe they’ll never see.
but you’ll still be human. 

was and always will be a favorite.

I wish I was born when this was the kind of music that got people in the dancin’ mood. *sigh* wouldn’t be the first time I was told that I was born in the wrong time.

anyway, I FEEL LIKE DANCIN’ WOO! DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY! 

have a great day everyone (:

할머니

on stormy nights, when the thunder boomed and the lightning flashed,
you were the one who told me to come into your room and you sang me to sleep.

you were the one that told me about camels and traveling the world.

you were the one that taught me to cook and love food.

you were the one that always took my side during all those fights.

you were the one that dealt with all of my tantrums and rebellious fits.

you were the one that was always strong.

you were the one that was always so misunderstood.

you were the one that wheeled past my door and kept the tv on all night. you helped me fall asleep all those restless nights, and you never even knew it.

I am the one who took you for granted.

I am the one that didn’t tell you enough that I loved you.

I am the one that can’t sleep in this house knowing you will never be here again.

I am the one who couldn’t touch you when you were gone. I couldn’t accept that you weren’t in that body anymore. you were so cold.

I am the one who is trying to be so strong. I know you wanted to be free. I know you wanted this.

I am the one that you told, you would be there for my wedding and when I have children.

I am the one listening to your children and grandchildren weep. Are all of our eyes broken? Why won’t they stop leaking?

I am the one you called out for the night before, and I was so far away. I didn’t even get to hug you the last time I saw you. 

I am the one you loved so much. I am the one that should’ve loved you more. I am the one that is so. so sorry. 

I miss you 할머니. grandma. I can’t do this. 

all it takes.

sometimes all it takes is…
a cup of tea to soothe and calm,
a song to help you remember how you got here,
a blanket to remind you of the sleepless nights and hopeful mornings,

and a thought.

my thought…
what if, I mean WHAT IF,
instead of being identified as a student, a friend, a person striving for every ambition and goal in this world…

what if my identifier was…

I am the one Jesus loves. 

Spilled Milk. The Disease of Complacency.

I’m so tired of people not caring. 
Everyone’s so apathetic about everything OR they’re completed obsessed with their own self-interest to even stop and take a look around them.

 You say you’re passionate about something,
so much so that you can’t stop talking about it…

Well let me ask you this.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

I mean really doing something.
I don’t mean tweeting about some horror you read about or reblogging some inspirational quote about changing the world. If you’re really passionate about something, you wouldn’t be sitting on your bum “liking” statuses about great things other people have done or crying yourself a river about how you have no purpose. Go Out and Find It.

Did you know that 15.5MILLION kids in this overindulgent country of ours are in poverty and 17MILLION are at risk of hunger? 
So while we cry over our hypothetical “spilled milk” and complain about the trivial things in life, maybe we could consider how it would feel to not even be able to afford to spill milk.  

To do even a little would mean so much.
Why does nobody care…